Letting Go

In my previous post, I mentioned that I am in a new season in life. It's been a difficult season in some areas, but a growing one in others. It's amazing, yet quite unfortunate, how easily it can be to forget who you are or who you once were or even who you wanted to be. Once upon a time, I had dreams and goals and ambitions for my life post high school. But I also had a desire to explore the world that I was just let into and to live in every moment with no regrets.

I made mistakes. Big ones.
Mistakes that will unfortunately be a part of me for the rest of my life.
Mistakes that also started to shape me as I allowed them to.
Mistakes that began to determine who I was and how I would treat people.
Mistakes that would start the building of the thick walls around me.
Mistakes that would take certain amount of joy from my life.
Mistakes that stole my identity in Christ.

Satan has had his say in my life and allowing him to play such a large role in my thoughts and actions has become the biggest mistake I've ever made.

Luckily for me, I'm not the only one who has made mistakes. We are all guilty.

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23

This Saturday, my two best friends, blessings given to me by God in the past two years, have chosen to join me as we have a "burning party". Now, that may seem a little dangerous and violent, but it's an idea that came to us from a simple episode of a television show. In the show, the town has a "boat-burning celebration". At this event, items from their past, things that have defined them, things that they've had difficulty letting go of, photos of who they once were, are tossed onto a boat in the water. The burning of the boat signifies a releasing and surrender of their former self, and a celebration of a new beginning. We are ready for our new beginning as we gather old photos, letters, and memories that can no longer weigh us down.

We, as three friends, rang in the new year with the goal to let go of our pasts, and become the women that Christ has called us to be.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

I love how Paul uses an exclamation point at the end of that verse, for it is something to celebrate. I am excited for the event on Saturday and couldn't ask for better women to share the moment with. While we let go and experience the freedom from our pasts, we rejoice and look forward to a brighter future no longer defined by our mistakes, but defined by He who is in us!

In the Stillness...

I've got some friends that recently started a project where they were challenged for 60 days to find something filled with beauty. This is a real challenge, especially in a world that can be so corrupted, and dangerous, and depressing sometimes. My reasoning for not participating in the challenge was not because I am consumed with the negative of this world, or that I doubt that I can accomplish it. My simple reasoning was merely that I didn't want to be on the computer more than I already have to for work. But even apart from a computer, I still felt challenged in trying to look at things through a lens of beauty. I found it to be quite difficult considering the hustle and bustle of the busy holiday season. Things are moving too fast to see if they're beautiful or not....Or at least that was my excuse. But I found moments of stillness where I was able to soak in the beauty surrounding me. Whether it was the laughter of a child, the design of a single snowflake, the healing tears of a friend, or simply a relaxing night to myself, I was still able to find the little things so beautiful.

I guess the reality sometimes is that we have to create stillness in our lives sometimes in order to see the beauty that exists.

Far From Perfect

Have you ever just spent a large amount of time thinking about your life? Think about the people you used to hang out with? Think about the things that you used to do that you enjoyed? Think about the people you impacted? Think about the people you mistreated? Think about how much your life has changed in the past 20 years? The past 5 years? The past 5 days?

I'm at a point in life right now where I'm really thinking about my childhood, my junior high years, my high school years, and my life since graduation. I've had so many people come and go. I've experienced so many highs and lows. I've been on a spectrum of being terrible and being great to a multitude of people. I've regretted things I've done. I've learned from mistakes. I've overcome battles I'd never thought I'd have to go through. It's been a roller coaster of a life....and I'm only 21.

I recently went through past messages and emails between myself and friends and realized just within the past few years how much things have changed. How much I have changed. Some things are much better now, but I can't help but feel guilty at the person I used to be. I'll admit I've never been perfect and never will. I'll admit that I have not been the most kind person to people in my past. I take full responsibility for everything that I have said and done in my life. But I will also admit that I am changing. That I have changed. That I am learning from my past so that I may have a better future.

This is a summer of growing. Growing closer in relationship to God, my family, and those around me. I'm not perfect. I don't live in a perfect world. I don't have the perfect life. But this is the season I'm in right now. And this is where I'm supposed to be. I know I'm here for a specific reason. I know God has a plan for me. And I know that everything from my childhood to my current life is His way of directing my life to go in His will.

So Long, Insecurities

I recently attended a Beth Moore seminar that was being viewed by nearly 300,000 women of all ages. The main point of her message was to identify what insecurities were, help us identify our insecurities, and lastly, identify a way to get rid of them!

Our 6 hour seminar, complete with worship, was broken up by a lunch break where we were asked to sit at round tables with ladies we most likely didn't know. Throughout our lunch break, we had questions to answer in response to the first session. One in particular that had my mind going was when we were asked, "When is the most recent time that you have felt insecure about something?" My immediate and simple answer was that morning. I mean, I'm only human...and female. I wake up with insecurities everyday about my looks, my life, my future, my family, and so on. It seems normal to have insecurities, hence the large amount and range of women that were in attendance. But one thing that stood out in the first session was the fact that our insecurities are a form of disbelief. Doubt. Questioning my Creator and who He's made me to be and where He's put me in life. I've never really thought of it that way before. Clearly, God knows what He's doing. He knew what I was going to look like, where I was going to be at in life, where I was headed, who was in my life-He knew these things long before I was even a spec in anybody's eyes. It's amazing to think that He has everything perfectly planned out. And it's insane that we would ever question the Living God. So as I left saying good-bye to my insecurities, I said hello to a new way of thinking.

I don't want to ever doubt or question my God. He's greater than any being I'll ever know and I'm so thankful for His blessings in my life.

Awake

Once upon a time, just a mere two months ago, I was in the midst of one of the most amazing experiences of my life. It was called the Passion Conference. It was four days filled with incredible speakers, talented musicians, and one extreme God-a God who would shake me up in unexpected ways and change the way I live forever. I was AWAKENED at Passion 2010.

Traveling for over 12 hours, with a group of 24, to join over 20,000 people for one purpose was something that I can't even explain. I've been meaning to write about the many lessons learned from the conference, but every time I would begin typing, my brain filled up with awe at the immense and totally unfathomable God that I serve. I don't think there was a single person in our group that didn't return with a heart and soul filled with the Spirit and new challenges to incorporate into their everyday lives. It was an experience I will never forget. For real!

Next week, "Awakening" is finally available to purchase. I've already pre-ordered and am so excited to relive the experience again. I'm currently listening to the sneak peak CD that's online and it's already taken me back to Atlanta, GA where I was broken, challenged, encouraged, and surrounded by the Holy Spirit. I wish I could explain the feelings that I had at Passion, but...I just can't. They're too incredible and simply indescribable!

And Away We Go!!!

Tomorrow morning I'll be heading out with the Junior and Senior High to Everitt, MI for our Winter Retreat! I'm so excited! Last year was the first one and as great as it was, my heart was not in it. I admit I went for all the wrong reasons. I had fun tubing and horseback riding and hanging out with my girls, but my mind was elsewhere for the four days there. I look forward to the upcoming days to spend with my small group and grow closer with them and with God. I truly believe this week is gonna be huge for myself and for them. I pray for His strength and His guidance in being a good and effective leader for the Junior Highers. I pray for openness and vulnerability within myself to allow Him to work in and through me. And I pray against the attacks and distractions of the enemy. I know that God will be with us every second. I just pray that myself and everyone else comes with an expectant heart for Him to do His works.

Wish me luck! I'm off to get some sleep! It'll be the most sleep I get for the next two weeks!

The Giving of Thanks

I recently had the opportunity to go see the movie "The Blind Side" with a friend of mine. I had no idea what the movie was about or what I was supposed to expect. All I knew was that Sandra Bullock was in it, she was blonde, and there was alot of hype about the film.

If you don't know anything about the storyline, just stop reading and go see it before it's ruined for you. Seriously, stop reading.

Now, for those of you who know the story, then I don't need to go into much detail about it. The movie was based on a true story about a young black man who gets moved out of his neighborhood in the Projects to the upper class neighborhood on the other side of town. He's transferred to a private, Christian high school with a 100% white population. The main reason he gets moved into this school? His size. With his large stature, the football coach sees success for his team. While "Big Mike" struggles with his grades and finding his 'niche' for football, he's also changing the lives of an upper class family that takes him in. They are very wealthy and very well known with their charities and such. "Big Mike" slowly shows them through his few words and abundant actions what little things they take for granted that he never had. He goes on to eventually play football in college and then gets drafted for the pro-league. All because of the love of a family.

As I left the theatre, my mind was going crazy. This movie was something I needed, not just so I could feel grateful for such an easy life, but it was something so, so much more than that. I can't really describe the feeling in my heart even now, a day later of the impact from the story. In my morals & ethics course this semester, we talk about the projects all the time. Our teacher and some of our classmates grew up in those areas and it's almost expected that the rest of the class knows what the life is like based upon things we've heard or seen in movies, books, tv, news, and so on. "The Blind Side" showed just that. The hardships of drugs, violence, prostitution, alcohol, abuse, theft, and homelessness that linger at every corner. I get scared of spiders and thunderstorms. How sad is that? Never in my life have I truly been scared for my life because of my surroundings. But there are people who wake up every single day worrying about these things. They don't know what is going to happen, who's going to survive, who's going to run away, where they will be staying, what possessions they will have. They have to live in the moments of their lives because they're so afraid that those moments could get cut short in seconds.

Can you imagine living in this kind of neighborhood? Can you imagine living with no family? Living in a place where you really can't trust anybody because everyone is solely fighting for themselves? Tell me, can you even imagine living in a community like this?

I've lived in Nappanee my entire life. Sure I've complained about it before. "It's boring." "There's nothing to do here." "But Mom, I don't WANT to embrace the pace!"...and so on.

I've grown up as an only child and can think about the many times where I've been unhappy with my life. "I don't want to do the dishes, or clean my room, or wash the windows, or mow the lawn. Why couldn't my parents get me the things I actually wanted for my birthday or Christmas? Why didn't my grandma send her check like she always does for Easter and Halloween? I want those clothes and those cd's and those toys and those cool things. Why is my life so awful?!" Yes, I'm ashamed to say that these things have crossed my mind more than once in my lifetime. I've grown up as an unfortunately normal, selfish human being. I hate that. I hate the fact that I've taken so much for granted in my life. Even as I type this, I'm looking around at all sorts of things that I don't need and could survive without. But since I've been blessed with such a great family and life, I have them.

I wish that there was something that I could do for the inner-city youth and less fortunate families. I really think this movie has peeled off a new layer of giving in my heart. I want God to use me and take me wherever He sees fit. I want to be obedient to His calling and His plans for my life. I want to live a life that's not thankful just for a single day of the year, but for every single day that I have, every breath that I am given.

Searching for the Truth

I'm on a mission. I've never been so pumped up and motivated about something related to school since...well...since I've been in school. I'm doing research outside of class. I'm going to seminars, sessions, and speakers that are not required all to help me out in a class. Just one.

This semester, 3 of my classes are very blah. I start the day out with Statistics (with my very monotone professor), then I head to Managerial Accounting (with my very loud and eccentric professor), then after my break I go to Calculus (with my professor that clearly got stuck teaching that class). To end my day, I have a Sociology class that is focused on being great leaders in the outside world. The class is a morals & ethics course. Yes, at IUSB. An oxymoron in my opinion, but that is part of my mission.

This class is by far one of the most fascinating, frustrating, and challenging classes I've ever taken at IUSB. It's fascinating in the fact that out of the 30 or so people in our class, the different backgrounds, upbringings, cultures, lifestyles, etc have the most diverse opinions about things that are good, bad, right, and wrong. It is frustrating in the fact that we are told to accept the fact that other people have their own opinions and beliefs and we can't change those. That doesn't stop people from trying though, so speaking up on very raw topics such as abortion, religion, homosexuality, and race can usually lead into some pretty heated arguments and battles amongst the class. The challenging aspect of the class is well, everything. Seriously. I'm challenged to know everything that I believe in, why I believe in it, what it means to believe in it, and I need to be able to back those things up all the time! It's really difficult sometimes!

Here's my mission: My professor (an African American non-Christian who loves swearing and putting down everybody's beliefs) does not believe that absolute truth exists.

On the other hand, Grow U, the new Sunday evening service is all about identifying and proclaiming the absolute truths of the world and how in today's society we are so ok with just accepting that different people believe in different things, despite if they are said true in the Bible or not. My professor doesn't hold Christianity too high, which stinks for the few Christians in our class. The challenge of speaking up to him is hard, but I want to stand up and not back down for the things that I KNOW are true. It's hard being torn apart by him day after day, and now I have to be graded upon it as well. I refuse to fail because I can't back up my beliefs. So, please, if you have any ideas, thoughts, or anything whatsoever to help me out, just let me know. :)

...Leaving on a Jet Plane...

In less than 20 hours, I will be headed to the airport to go to Europe. Yes, Europe. It hasn't quite hit me just yet, so the excitement of it all is still to come. I've been to Europe before, the summer after my freshman year of high school. My mom and I went on a vacation there and met up with an old friend of hers and my dads who was stationed in Germany for the Air Force. Six years later, and he's still there. Ergo, another vacation there.

I'm not exactly sure what our plans are for the upcoming week, as far as where all we're going. I know Germany is the bulk of our week--castles, churches, graveyards, museums, real history from tens to thousands of years ago. It's exciting stuff. We'll also be going to Paris for a couple days. That, too, is exciting. But ya know what I'm most excited about? It's not the buildings that are years old, or the landscapes that are rugged from wars, or even the autobahn where we'll be driving who knows how fast...the thing I'm looking forward to the most is the plane ride! Now, most normal people are probably thinking "What the heck are you talking about!? That's the worst part of the trip!" Well, ya see, I have a different take on it. Because within my one flight from the US to Europe, my 10 hour flight, I will not only get to see the sun SET over the ocean, but I'll get to see it RISE as well. And by golly, God's creation is the most beautiful thing, especially when He paints the skies! SO excited!! ...Oh how I hope I'm in a window seat! *cross fingers*

Baptism Weekend

This past weekend was huge for me. I don't think many people really realize how big of a deal it was, but let me enlighten you all...

Let me rewind back a year ago. I wanted to get baptized last summer. I had just really felt like it was my time to, and I had a great support system that was all for me taking my next step with baptism. Unfortunately, that support system was not my family. The day of baptism last year also happened to fall on the same day as my great-grandmother's 90th birthday party when family from all over the country were going to be in town. I had talked to my mom about it, and she simply responded back with "It's Grandma's day, not yours. You need to be there." So, baptism came and went and I missed it.

So, let's fast forward to the next opportunity for baptism: Easter Sunday. This would've been perfect, had I not been asked to perform "The Redeemer" skit that morning for the Connection Services. Sure, I could've said no and they could have easily found somebody else to play my greedy role, but there was something inside of me that really wanted to have a hands on experience, that, in the end, opened my own eyes even more about the love of Christ. I wouldn't take back that experience for anything. I grew closer to the people I performed with, grew strength and confidence from being on stage in front of hundreds, and ultimately grew closer to God when I was put into a role that has been so common in this world, yet His Son died for those actions and feelings that people go through everyday. It's hard to explain how that performance hit me, but it did.

Now, let's move forward to mid-June, when I was asked if I wanted to get baptized during the ONE celebration at the church. What a great experience that would have been, but there was a part of me that wanted to remain behind the scenes for that day. I'm not sure why, but instead I wanted to help with the parking and photography for that day. Photography has become a way of worship for me, and I wanted to spend that morning doing what I love best-praising Him through my favorite form of worship. As I look back at it now, I could've gotten baptized that day, but I'm also one that can't say no when people need favors and such. It's rather silly, but in the end, I'm still glad that I didn't get baptized that day.

A week after the ONE celebration was when I first mentioned anything about August baptism to a family member: my dad. I've always been rather hesitant to share what God is doing in my life to my family, because, well, I'm the only one that goes to church, which in my eyes meant that I was the only Christian in my family. While that may or may not be true, due to the fact that their definitions of Christian differ from mine, I still wanted to show my love of Christ on that August day. My dad, who lives in Utah, called me the week after the ONE celebration just to see how I was doing and what I had been up to. We have these conversations on the phone about once every 2 or 3 months, but that doesn't necessarily guarantee that I share everything. But I did talk about my summer, which had mostly been filled up with working at the church and helping out with junior high on Sundays and Wednesdays, then I mentioned baptism. He stopped me and my rambling and asked more about it. I was slightly thrown off, because, well this was family asking me about church. That just doesn't happen very often. So, I continued telling him about getting baptized and when it was and why I wanted to, and almost immediately he congratulated me and asked me to e-mail the date so he could make sure he didn't have any work conflicts, and if so, he'd love to come out to see it! I honestly can't remember anything else from that phone call, all I can remember was how excited I was that I was actually going to have FAMILY at my baptism in addition to all of the Effect group! How awesome was that! My dad has only come out to Indiana once in the past 10 years of my life, and that was for graduation, where he stayed for just that day and only met one of my friends. So, the fact that he was coming was awesome! He'd get to see all the people I hang out with and work with and that was exciting in itself!

Then a very tough decision came. An amazing opportunity came to the Effect group to go on a missions trip to Mexico for only $100. This was an opportunity that would probably never come again. However, the opportunity to publicly proclaim my love of Christ in front of my dad was a bigger deal to me, and I passed up the trip. Unfortunately, 20 members of the Effect group didn't, including the one person that had brought me to church for the first time 5 years ago. If it wasn't for her, there is no way I would've been getting baptized in the first place. This was very difficult for me. I started getting angry at the fact that the core group of people that I have gotten to know and spend so much time with in the past two years were not only going to experience an awesome trip without me, but they wouldn't be at my baptism when I came out of the water, and they wouldn't get to meet my dad. I started getting really negative at the fact that my friends were leaving me on one of the most important days of my life. I started thinking that maybe they weren't my friends at all. I started forgetting about the reason I was getting baptized or the reason they were going to Mexico. I started making that day about ME, and not about GOD. Luckily, this harsh realization came a few weeks before baptism and I was able to get excited for the fact that God was going to be spread all over the place! My friends were going to show His love all around Mexico, and I was so happy for that! And I was going to get the opportunity to show His love here at home to my family, which hadn't hit me until it actually happened.

It was two weeks before baptism. I was getting so excited! I had my countdown going and I was so pumped for that weekend! It was around this time, that I found out that not only was my dad coming to visit, he was bringing my two half-brothers as well! And the fact that they were making this time of my life such a big deal, opened the eyes of the rest of my family, and I was able to have almost 10 family members there for me in the end! Out of those 10, only 3 of them attended church. My half brothers attend a Greek Orthodox church in Massachusetts, and my great-grandmother has been attending a church in Bremen for as long as I've been alive. The rest of my family, although they support me in everything I do with the church, still do not understand and grasp the reasons for which I am so involved at NMC. Each of their stories is different in regards to why they don't go to church, and I have to somewhat respect that. But this day was a time for me to be an example and a light to them. This weekend held so much more than I had anticipated.

My dad and brothers had arrived on the Friday before baptism. I got to spend so much time with them which was exciting since I only get to see them about once a year. I got the opportunity to hear my dad's views on Christianity and religions in general. That was an eye opening experience to say the least. I learned a lot from him and it's a kind of conversation that we've never had before. It opened many doors to future conversations he and I will have and that is awesome. On Sunday, I got to attend church with family for the first time in my life! I took my two brothers to their classes that morning and then my dad met up with us at the Connection service. They were so fascinated by it all. They loved the church and the people and the music and just everything! And that put a huge smile on my face! That smile got even bigger as I took one of my brothers to lunch and a song that Chris had played in Connection was playing on the CD player in my car. My brother and I turned up the music and sang out this song together. A new experience, yet again. After lunch, it was only hours and minutes before baptism began.

I started getting nervous for some reason. Although alot of my friends were in Mexico, I had a ton of support there for me! I guess I had forgotten how many people had become significant in my life and vice versa. I not only had the support of my family and my best friend Allison, I also had a line of junior highers, young adults, co-workers, and pastors all waiting to congratulate me! The baptism itself was awesome. I cried like a baby after Derry surprised me with a message by Alyssa. I wasn't expecting that at all and it meant more than words can say. After the service, we had our family celebration cookout at my grandma's house...a wonderful way to end a fantastic weekend. I'm glad I waited until now to get baptized. I learned so much more about God and myself in the past year and this moment was a perfect start to a new life. I can't wait to see what He has in store for me and my family and the relationships with them!

WPF

I just returned from an interesting day at my first World Pulse Festival (first one as a Christian, that is). After waking up at 5:30am, I wasn't in the greatest moods to go. But, I pressed on. Our group arrived at the site around 8:15 and from then until about 11 it was an on and off pouring down from the sky. Lovely. Not really. We were cold, wet, cranky, sleepy, and WET. I figured with weather like this, there was no need to put sunscreen on, so I didn't. Anyways, at 11, the Robbie Seay Band came up, followed by Ayeisha Woods. I started getting disgruntled because I only knew about 4 songs by the end of those sets. Then, the wonderfully awesome Hawk Nelson, David Crowder Band, and Jeremy Camp played and I was having a blast!! The rain stopped, the sun came out, the skin was toasted. Haha. Overall, great day at the festival. Now, time for aloe!


On the plus side, I am going to tell people that I meant to get burnt today. Why? Because in one week I'll be peeling this gross skin off. It is going to be a physical sign of shedding the old and starting anew with my baptism next week!! Clever, eh? I'm getting extremely excited!! :)

Summer Camp '09

Just returned from an amazing week at Junior High Camp and I am so excited to see how God continues to move in and through these students! To keep this one short, I'll only share a few of the many things I'm taking home from this experience:

• I've officially decided that sunrises and sunsets are so much prettier when they're above water. (I'll have pictures up later)
• Every junior higher just wants someone who can make them look less dumb-hence, our silly leaders. The kids are looking for friends at this time when they feel so alone, and leaders have great potential to be a huge part of their lives.
• In John 4: 7-21, the word "love" is used twenty-seven times. It's a constant reminder of the true love God has given us and the kind of love we should be giving to others.
• Photography is my favorite type of worship. I never really considered it a kind of worship until I realized that I was using one of my talents, or platforms, for His glory. I had the camera in my hands at all times, and over 900 pics were taken by just myself.
• Junior High worship gives me goosebumps when the band doesn't play or sing. It's amazing and puts a huge smile on my face.
• Some kids are dealing with some super intense things-things I hope I never have to deal with. And it hurts to feel helpless for them.
• No matter how much time and effort and overall stress that is put into camp, the result takes it all away and you realize how much it was all worth it. It's truly wonderful.
• Terry Bley really does have crazy powers. He made me cry just by staring into my eyes. Our relationship will never be the same.
• You can't compare or try to repeat a previous memory with different people. It doesn't work. New memories get created, and that's all we can do.
• There will be friend and boy drama wherever you go with junior highers. I stayed up all night listening to the lastest boy updates. Crazy stuff.
• I'm a huge role model for these kids. There wasn't a place where I went where kids weren't screaming my name or talking to me. I need to continue to live a life that shows my strong walk with God so they can reflect that.
• Emergencies happen. Accidents happen. We were fortunate to have both, of course. But we had an amazing nurse who was there to assist every second.
• Lastly, these kids are an absolute inspiration to me. I watch them worship, pray, laugh, have fun, cry, and be silly and I am amazed every second. They are more than "just junior highers" as Terry and Chris reiterated. They're going to awesome things one day and I can't wait to watch it.

**Pics will be up soon. Like I said, I only took about 900, so it could be awhile.

Stumped.

I had a project for work to accomplish today: take pictures of every middle/senior high school represented at Nappanee Missionary Church. Yeah, that's only about 30 different schools spread out over a million mile radius, no biggie. So, to help make things a little more fun for me and a little less lonely, I called up one of the first junior high girls I connected with since working with that ministry. She's an absolute riot, has an insane passion for Christ, is way to mature for her age and, oh yeah, she is the daughter of a pretty awesome pastor. I don't really remember how we connected so well, I just know that she has been a very important girl in my life for a year now. I'm so happy that I've gotten to invest in her, and although I'm apparently some hero in her eyes, she has challenged me and helped me grow more than I ever expected. I'm so grateful for her :)

Normally, when her and I hang out, we talk about life-friends, family, sports, work, goals, and all that jazz. She often asks for advice based on certain situations in her life, and, referencing what I've experienced or seen, I tell her my thoughts. Today, however, in addition to the basic questions of life, she asked me a question that has officially stumped me. I have to say I'm still rather speechless on how a freshman just comes up with these things.

"How do you keep your fire going for God?"

As I drove, I'm thinking, "PK verses semi-new Christian...her guess is as good as mine!" She continues on about how she often gets on spiritual highs from camps and trips and they normally last about a month or two. But this year, with camp being a week away, she's really wanting to take it home for good! She wants to WANT to make time to spend with God and worship Him. She wants that spiritual fire to burn for the whole school year, not just from some trip that she takes. She wants this to be a change from every single year that's come and gone. She desires to WANT Jesus all the time, and to not have to be forced to have time set out for Him such as at camp. She needs the discipline to keep herself on fire for God, but doesn't know how to get it or where to find it. So, she turns to me for answers.

Everything in the above paragraph....are my exact thoughts after camps and trips. How do I answer her when I, myself still question the exact same thing?!

Completely.....STUMPED.

NMC Summer Camp

In about a week, I'll be headed to my fourth Summer Camp for Nappanee Missionary Church and I couldn't be more excited! Every year brings with it different messages, activities, people, experiences, and memories.

My first Summer Camp took place the summer before my sophomore year. I don't remember too much unfortunately, because at that time, I was still trying to get a hold of the whole "Christian" thing. I can recall the cabin I stayed in and the people I roomed with. I remember not knowing alot of the worship songs, mostly because I never listened to that kind of music before. We always met in the pavilion down the huge hill and one of the days we went to Cedar Point, like the Senior High always does. It was fun, but since I was so shy back then and didn't know alot of people, I didn't feel too comfortable most times.

JUMP! My second Summer Camp took place my senior year. Although I had been going to church on Wednesdays for almost three years, I was still missing something about being a Christian. This camp helped me figure out and it was here that I had fully committed to pursuing an authentic relationship with Christ. I also committed to attending church on Sunday mornings as well and have gone ever since! I made and strengthened a ton of friendships and still remain in contact with many of those people today. I was challenged and tested in faith, leadership, agility, and communication during our team initiatives, but throughout those, gained new perspectives on everyday trials in life. Many firsts happened at this camp. Aside from my first day as a true follower of God, I was also asked by Derry, although he probably doesn't remember it, to pray in front of a large group (over 200 people I'm sure) right before eating. I'd never prayed in front of anyone except my small group of five people and now I was being put on the spot to pray aloud, through a blow horn, in front of a group of people I hardly knew. I was scared to death. Fear filled my entire body. But...the whole theme of camp got to me. Jesus said, "Come, follow me" and JUMP. It was that same feeling that went through me as I was standing in line at Cedar Point to ride the Millenium Force, another first for me. It was pouring down rain and everyone was singing and clapping and getting excited, and then there was me-almost near tears because I was so scared to ride the roller coaster. But once we got at the front of the line, a friend used that same line, "Come, follow me." And, within seconds, I was experiencing another first. So many new things happened at that camp and I can still recall every single one. I absolutely loved it!

SEEK. Last Summer, I went to my first Junior High camp, as a leader. It was incredible. I was blown away by the kids and their passion and love for Jesus. Through them, I grew even more in my own relationship with Christ. I was put in a position where I had to be authority, yet be a friend to the students and I became so attached to some of them. During the worship times, they all were completely crazy for God and in turn, I was on-fire for Him as well! I found myself being just as sweaty and out of breath as they were after we all jumped up and down to the awesome music by Jason and the band. We had great times worshipping through music, through TAWG, and through our cabin times. My cabin group was amazing, not to mention I was co-leading with my best friend which is always a plus. Together we united two completely different cliques from the same school. It was neat to see them grow closer to each other, but ultimately to God throughout that week. I still talk to every one of those girls, and pray for them as much as I can. They influenced my life and walk with God, and I hope I've done the same for them. They were the first group to really stir up my passion for the junior high ministry. And although they are moved up to senior high now, the memories of late nights, long prayers, sugar overloads, and lots of laughter will forever be with me.

BRACE YOURSELF! In a week, I'll be headed off to join the junior highers again for Summer Camp. I'm already torn with who's going to be in my cabin due to the fact that my 7th graders that I had this past year and the current 7th graders that I have in my Sunday morning class are all going to camp. I've gotten so close to them already, but I'm really just trying to pray that the right groups will be formed. I don't want to set myself up for disappointment. I'm told that I won't be with my group as much as I hope to this year though. Since I'm working at the church now, my role will be one with a ton of responsibilities. I'm slowly starting to feel the pressure, especially since we're getting down to the last week where my work days will be spent in full preparation for camp. It's going to be a crazy, stressful week, but the result is going to be great! I'm ready to BRACE MYSELF for the new students and leaders that I meet. I'm ready to BRACE MYSELF to see what God has in store for me. I'm ready to BRACE MYSELF for a path of unknowns in my life and the kids. I absolutely can't wait!!!

My 20th Easter

As you all know, tomorrow is Easter. The day that Christ rose again to save us from our sins, etc. We all know the story. We've heard it many times. But for me, this year is different for some reason. From infancy to about my preteen years, Easter in my family has consisted of pictures with the Easter bunny, egg hunts and decorations, chocolate bunnies, candy baskets, some $25 check from Grandma, and all sorts of other things that go into the worldly views of the holiday. While I still get the chocolate bunnies or still decorate eggs, this time of year has a different meaning for me now than it does my family. We haven't had an Easter dinner for as long as I can remember, yet for some reason, this year is different. Needless to say, I was shocked hearing that we were getting together as a family to eat and celebrate Easter. I have no idea what to expect, aside from the great home-cooked meal, but it'll be interesting to say the least.

For the past few years, I had gone to the traditional service and Easter dinner with my (ex) boyfriend and his family. The day wasn't spent really thinking about what God had done for me, it was all about myself and who I got to spend my day with or what plans were being made at the time. I probably listened to Pastor Dave, thought it was a great message, then left the church unaffected because my heart was not in the right place at that time of my life. Ironically, the relationship with the guy ended exactly one year ago on Easter Sunday. Thankfully, this year, I have had a year to re-examine my heart and where it lies. In the period of the year, I've made so many mistakes, lied to many people, done things I would do anything to take back, and have luckily learned from it all. I'd be the typical 20-year old with life struggles, strengths, weaknesses, opportunities taken and lost. Throughout these past few weeks, while in actual remembrance of what Jesus has done for me, I have gained the greatest sense of freedom and joy that He meant for me to have! It breaks my heart when I think about what He went through for me, but that is the greatest part of all. I know that my mistakes are forgiven and that His blood has washed away every sin I've fell into. His love is unlike any other and I am ecstatic to have that love given to me.

As you all know, tomorrow is Easter. The day we should be praising Jesus for the grace He has given us. The day that the cross has a different meaning. The day that we can truly remember who has experienced real pain. Yes, chocolate bunnies and little eggs will still be everywhere we look. And yes, some people's heart won't be at the place that God wants them to be. But before entering the service at church, should you do so, remember why you're there in the first place. The connection service is going to be amazing tomorrow. I know this because I am a part of it. My hope is that the music, the painter, the lights, the drama, the baptisms, the plants, etc are not just some pretty show that so many people have worked hard to put together. But that these things, each with their own special effects, can help every person remember what Easter really is.


Happy Easter Everybody!

God in the Cooking Pot

A reference was made tonight at the On-fire rallies that just kinda stuck with me as I left. Tony was comparing our lives to that of a cooking pot. We put in our own ingredients to the pot. Have a base of school. Add a little sports. Maybe some clubs. Put in some church. Some friends. A cup of friends. And then sprinkle some God in with it. After the ingredients are put in, we expect the impure toxins to evaporate as we turn the heat up, just as any other toxins would do at the boiling point. But what we don't realize is that God is not an ingredient of our life, He IS our life. We can't treat our Father as just another ingredient of our everyday lives. He's so much more than that!

Sweet Sound

Tonight I figured out a new favorite sound. And it's probably one of the only times when I'll say something like this in comparison to the loud, annoying, hormonal junior highers (whom I love to death). But I discovered the sweetest noise that just made me want to cry.

As Jason Lee and the band sang worship, which was amazing, they let the junior highers take it themselves. Normally, you'd hear only a couple little squeaky teens, but this was the most harmonious sound lifted to God. As the children sang, "You are the everlasting God. The everlasting God. You do not faint. You won't grow weary..." I was just awed by the power of the words and the passion in their voices. I don't know if it's the sound of children singing that is just inspiring, or if it was the act of worshipping someone so much bigger than them, or just the fact that they were so connected with Christ during that moment. I don't know. It was truly the sweetest sound I've heard in a long time.

Prayer Night Kick-off

Two weeks ago, the amazing Todd and Sheila Eby brought to our leadership team an idea for the Effect. Their vision of creating a night for the sole purpose of prayer was truly outstanding. The guys (Dustin Gill, Jason Mishler, Corey Ryman) and myself were all for it. This was a great way to go about creating a unified group of believers in addition to gaining some accountability in the smaller, gender-specific prayer groups. Since it was the Eby's idea, they took full reign on making it possible and we chose this past Friday night as a kick-off to get things started and introduced. Our leadership team did have a meeting to come up with some ideas to add to the nights, and those ideas were and will continue to be utilized and expanded.

So, with candles all set up and prayer verses around the room and journals to write in, we began our first prayer night. The attendance was small, a little over ten, but that was pretty good for a Friday night. We started the night off in a large group, popcorn praying over three different areas related to the Effect:

1) Keller Park Missionary Church and Sonnyvilla. We have been so blessed to become a partner with these groups building hope for the youth and the community there. Every first Saturday of the month, we load up the bus and help out with tearing down, rebuilding, and finishing homes that can be used as safe Christ-centered environments for the kids who may not have that anywhere else. It's been amazing to see the relationships we've built, the children's growth, the progress with the community and just a true desire for hope and change within the area.

2) Monica Mast and Michelle Feldman. These amazing girls, members of the Effect family, felt a calling to go to Mexico with Dayspring Missions Trips for seven months to serve our awesome God and share His love and truth to the people down there. They had to leave their families, jobs, and lives behind and completely rely on God with the entirety of their lives. They return in August, and we are so awed by what God is doing through them already. It's simply wonderful.

3) Lastly, was the Effect itself. The journey for our young adult ministry has been a tough one at best. It started out with low numbers, but is now growing nearly every weekend. Our leadership team, primarily the guys, have a strong vision of what they'd like to see with the Effect, and we're definitely on our way there. Authentic relationships with each other and with Christ has been our main focus this year, and after the Winter Retreat took place, we've already been able to see the amount of growth in the people there. It's also spurred an interest into others throughout the church and their curiosity has led them to start coming on Sunday nights. It's a great ministry and God is truly doing a work in it right now.


After about an hour of constant prayer for these three areas, we broke off into gender specific prayer groups. The idea behind this time was to develop closer relationships within the girls and guys groups and to develop accountability with those people. The prayer was to be focused solely on ourselves, how things in our lives were going, and how it affected us personally. It was a time to be selfish, but it was also a time to let our guards down and to trust those around us. At 10:20pm, the five girls, including Sheila Eby, finally finished their times of prayer. It was amazing. Over 3 straight hours spent in constant prayer to our awesome God. We brought praises, worries, requests, concerns, trust, and so much more to Him that night. I left feeling so great, not just because I felt like I was a "good-Christian" for a night, but because the power of prayer was so intense and so inspiring. I just can't explain it, really. I'm looking forward to these prayer nights and I think it's one of the best things the Effect has ever done.

Today is My Anniversary.

You may be asking yourselves: Anniversary? What? You're not married. Are you? Hmm...what are you talking about?



Well, it goes something like this:

Characters: Alyssa Walter, Megan Rendall (me)
Setting: Freshman year at NWHS, probably in the north surge I'm guessing
When: Wednesday October 15th, 2003

Alyssa: Hey Megan!
Megan: Hi.
Alyssa: How are you doing?
Megan: Eh, I'm doing alright I guess. I'm tired of school already.
Alyssa: Yeah. So what are you up to tonight?
Megan: Uhh...probably nothing as usual. Wednesday nights don't really have any good tv shows so I normally just sit around watching the Disney Channel or something. Why'd you wanna know?
Alyssa: Well our church is having this hayride tonight. It'll be really fun! You should come!
Megan: Oh yeah? Hmm...well I'd have to ask my mom first. What time?
Alyssa: We could probably come and pick you up if you want! It starts at 6:30. Oh and ***** will be there too. He goes on Wednesday nights.
Megan: (smiling really big) Oh! Well, I will definitely have to come. I'll call you after school to make sure, ok?
Alyssa: Alright. Sounds good. See you later!
Megan: Bye!

I went to that hayride. It was cold. We went and packed what seemed like a million students into a tiny little barn. I remember the games we played, the people who performed skits, even the speakers and band members. It was much cooler than my normal Wednesday nights. I kept attending ever since that night.

So, today is the 5-year anniversary of me attending Nappanee Missionary Church, or I guess church in general. Yeah, I definitely went for the wrong reasons for awhile. I thought I was in love. Haha. Yeah...not quite. I only attended Wednesday nights up until the summer before my senior year when I made a promise at summer camp to attend on Sundays. But over the past five years, thanks to my best friend Alyssa and the many people I have encountered at NMC, I have been able to start, develop, and strengthen a relationship with God. It's amazing what my Savior can do in such a short amount of time. And it's amazing the amount of impact certain people have had on me. Those people will probably never know how much they've done and still continue to do in my life. I am extremely grateful to the family I have gained in the past five years and I am extremely excited to see what happens in the future.

What Am I Getting Myself Into?!

Wow. A challenge. I've got to admit I wasn't totally prepared for it. I mean, I knew it was going to happen sometime, but I had no idea how to answer it.

Last night, during Wednesday night junior high youth group, I was confronted by one of my small group girls. I had always seen her as a very strong girl. Quiet, but very strong. Her health background is one that amazes me and she talks about how lucky she is to even be alive. She uses this as a primary source in reaching out to others and spreading Christ's love. However, last night, as Chris talked about prayer and the intimacy of that time with God, our small groups were encouraged to be open and honest in a letter to our King. While it was a challenging thing for most, if not all of the students, this girl decided she needed immediate guidance. And who do you go to for guidance in the church? A pastor? Eh, you could. It may be a little difficult to get in contact with them. But my role as a small group leader has put me into the position to guide and direct the lives of junior highers.

As the night went on, I saw her face. Sad. Lonely. Lost. I could not imagine what she was going through. This strong little seventh grader looking so weak and defeated. She came up to me at the end of the night and asked me to read her letter to God. Sure enough, sad, lonely, lost, were in that letter somewhere. She proceeded to ask me what she was doing wrong in her walk with God and how she could fix it all. She couldn't hear him anymore. She still believed, or so she thought she did. She was confused and missed being a real close friend and child to her Father. My words were probably not as great as they could've been. I know that the last thing she wanted to hear was the cliche to "just keep praying about it". But I, myself, became lost in her confusion. And I have been wondering ever since if I can live up to this constant challenge. I put myself in this position thinking I could handle it. And I'm sure I can, but wow, that one really stumped me...