Far From Perfect

Have you ever just spent a large amount of time thinking about your life? Think about the people you used to hang out with? Think about the things that you used to do that you enjoyed? Think about the people you impacted? Think about the people you mistreated? Think about how much your life has changed in the past 20 years? The past 5 years? The past 5 days?

I'm at a point in life right now where I'm really thinking about my childhood, my junior high years, my high school years, and my life since graduation. I've had so many people come and go. I've experienced so many highs and lows. I've been on a spectrum of being terrible and being great to a multitude of people. I've regretted things I've done. I've learned from mistakes. I've overcome battles I'd never thought I'd have to go through. It's been a roller coaster of a life....and I'm only 21.

I recently went through past messages and emails between myself and friends and realized just within the past few years how much things have changed. How much I have changed. Some things are much better now, but I can't help but feel guilty at the person I used to be. I'll admit I've never been perfect and never will. I'll admit that I have not been the most kind person to people in my past. I take full responsibility for everything that I have said and done in my life. But I will also admit that I am changing. That I have changed. That I am learning from my past so that I may have a better future.

This is a summer of growing. Growing closer in relationship to God, my family, and those around me. I'm not perfect. I don't live in a perfect world. I don't have the perfect life. But this is the season I'm in right now. And this is where I'm supposed to be. I know I'm here for a specific reason. I know God has a plan for me. And I know that everything from my childhood to my current life is His way of directing my life to go in His will.