We stand in awe at the beautiful creation God has given us. His Holy Spirit is stirring around us and it becomes clear that something is about to happen. I don't know what. I'm lost in the sunset.
Karli and Jess begin playing on their guitars. I sing, but it's not worship. I know, but I do not feel. Something is holding me back. I feel it coming. The tears that have soaked my sleeve each night. I can't sing. My body won't allow me to. I open my mouth and nothing comes out. So I sit there and weep.
It still rings in my ears.
"Take me as you find me. All my fears and failures. Fill my life again."
I can't sing it. I am not worthy to sing those words. I am not ready to sing those words. My heart is heavy and my breaths become short. What is happening to me? I've never felt like this before. Completely broken.
Terry guides us to the shoreline. Some people shared what God was doing in their hearts. I still cried. I didn't know what was going on. I felt hurt. I still had a past and was being reminded of it. I was not at peace. I hear bits and pieces of the others words.
Terry speaks. "Water...cleansing...past...sin....New creation..."
That's all I remember. I continued to cry, still unsure of what was going on in and around me. We gather close and people begin praying for me. I hear words but they only make me weep more. I'm confused. I try to relax. It's not working. I'm still not ready.
Just then, a simple pray from Terry, "God has a better picture for me to see."
In that moment, a strange weight is lifted. I can breath. My tears are fewer. And I am finally present.
Another emotional day. Another God moment. He is greatly to be praised and Mighty to Save. (Random note: I could not sing this song until the final day of SOAR and it has still been difficult to sing ever since.)
No comments:
Post a Comment