Going into the summer, I was most looking forward to hearing God's voice and truly feeling His Holy Spirit move within my heart. It's been nearly two weeks and I am already becoming impatient. Taken directly from my journal:
"My constant prayer lately has been that God would speak to me, that I would hear His voice and follow His direction. There's only one problem I keep running into. I can't hear God. I continually try to sit in silence and listen, but I hear nothing. The same thing happened at the lake last week. I cried out to God but couldn't hear anything back. It makes me feel frustrated. And oftentimes, I end up getting into a mindset that I'm not really silencing everything around me. Or maybe I don't have a relationship with God. How can I tell others, junior highers especially, to listen if I can't even hear anything?"
This begins a rough journey for my summer. Finding the difference between hearing God's audible voice and listening to the whispers and the things around me. I came into SOAR with so much anticipation and longing to be completely on fire for God, like those around me that seemed to just 'get it,' but I was feeling defeated. I was feeling let down. I was feeling like I had let myself down. SOAR was a mistake. If I couldn't hear God in an internship like this, maybe I shouldn't be here.
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