Finding Myself...

I'm going to be honest right now. Vulnerable. Open.

I'm scared of many things.
I'm scared of: Spiders. Bees. Most bugs in general. Storms. Driving in the winter. Failing at anything. Being forgiving. Trusting in others. Letting go. Being alone.

I recently figured out a new fear...Losing myself.


I was encouraged by a very close person to me that I was being held down so much by things and people in my past, that it was interfering with my confidence level in myself and who I am. As I thought about the idea of losing myself and my identity, it struck me that it was true. I could not figure out who I was as a person anymore. I had put aside my hobbies, my values, and my whole life because of things that slowly took their place in the past. I took the night and thought of things that I enjoyed doing in the past. I came up with my photography, of course, painting, traveling, and random last minute movie nights with tons of junk food. I continued to ponder over my past life and how great some things were and how not-so-great other things were and then it came to me that I am pretty much a robot these days. The past couple months, I have been stuck in the same routines. The same job. The same classes. The same group of friends (which I love by the way, don't get me wrong). The same life, yet a completely different one than what I used to have.

So, I have concluded that there ARE things holding me from enjoying my life. There ARE things I have to let go and forget about for awhile, maybe forever. There will be much struggling with taking steps to find out who "Megan" really is. I don't know her anymore. I hear she's pretty great. A beautiful person inside and out. A good leader. A hard worker. Worthy of something far greater than comprehension. Yeah...this is what I hear, but cannot understand or believe for some reason. I know the things I need to do. And I will admit that it's definitely not easy for me at all. I'm going to need the few good friends that I have to be there for me. Trust in me. Pray for me. Encourage me. And most importantly, love me....for the real me.

Is it possible? I sure hope so. But I am scared to death for the coming days and what's to happen.


Matthew 6:34- "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."